Woke up, still in fear. Facing the reality each day for me is a struggle. I can hardly make it through. Can't help but have all those worries in my mind. I need to escape. Probably when I have my own passport and I'll go for a little time out. Not sure to where, just somewhere alone I guess.

Even if I'm able to hang on here, my heart might not be able to take it anymore. All those feelings that I once felt, I'm feeling it again. It can be as scary as having those suicide thoughts. I can probably feel those helpless people now.

Blame me, scold me for being so negative and all. I'm sorry but I'm not a positive person. I went through that much, yes, that much to be who I am today, but it's still not enough. I need a guide, please just guide me in to being cheerful again, even if it's only for a while.

I'm happy, but no, I have more worries to handle than I can find my happiness. Need a tear out session.