Just got myself a little time, read through those old posts of mine and boyf's. How sweet we used to be. Not that now's a disaster. But all I've been hearing from boyf recently is to not be sad, he even say that I wasn't like this last time.

I'm sorry but I guess I've just introduced my true self to him. Life isn't full of happiness for me, I worked my way through. Happiness is what I gain for rewards, just like pets receive their treats as rewards. It doesn't always happen.

Maybe I just chose to believe I don't deserve happiness. Probably because I done too much bad.

All I have in mind when reading through those posts was, Aw was that us? How I missed those times. Not just me being sad every now and then, but he was too sweet back then. & I'm truly pampered. How can I not be happy, how can I not smile at the someone who try so hard to make me happy?

But now when I'm sad, instead of getting love and someone there to comfort, cheer me up, I have someone else to be sad together with me. Which I'm sure I doesn't need the togetherness during those periods. Just need a hug, a tight one will work best, I guess.

Maybe both of us stopped trying hard, stopped putting in that much effort as we used to.. but all I know is having him with me was probably the best thing that has happened on me. So please, just forgive me for those mistakes I made.